


What Ifs

by eggboyksoo



Series: chaos, family, love [5]
Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Cemetery, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, chenji are long time best friends, mentions of jaewin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-27 14:02:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20047240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggboyksoo/pseuds/eggboyksoo
Summary: “Do you—Are you okay with me bringing you here?”“I don’t mind,” Chenle feels a little choked up. “Just wondering why.”Jisung shrugs. “Just wanted you to meet my parents.”





	What Ifs

**Author's Note:**

> why is everything i write featuring chenle in this universe so emotionally CHARGED.  
i've had this idea in mind since realising how jisung came to be part of jaehyun's (and then sicheng and dejun's) family. it's a little angsty, but i'm hoping chenji being chenji balances it out! 
> 
> if you haven't read the series this belongs to, i think it should be able to standalone. in any case, hope you all enjoy!

Jisung’s fidgeting.

To be fair, Jisung is arguably the twitchiest person Chenle’s ever met. It’s the reason why his nickname is _Jwi_, Mouse. He’s always been jumpy at even the most subtle of things, falling out of chairs when Chenle laughs too hard—which is often—or hissing in surprise when the radiator in his house makes a weird noise every so often. Chenle’s spent most of his life fearlessly walking into all sorts of trouble, Jisung cowering behind him and clinging tightly onto his arm. Jisung wouldn’t know how to be still and centred, even if someone paid him a million dollars.

But Jisung is looking at his hands, lacing his fingers together and untangling them absentmindedly. His pen is discarded and his biology homework completely forgotten. Jisung only fidgets with his hands this intensely when he’s nervous.

Chenle sighs, putting down his own pen. “Okay, dummy,” he says. “Tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been off all day.”

Jisung doesn’t respond. Chenle raises his voice. “Park Jisung!”

Chenle’s best friend jolts in his chair like he’s been electrocuted. “Huh?”

Chenle tuts, moving from his desk to his bed, where Jisung is sitting. “I _said_,” Chenle repeats, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jisung’s hands still. His nose scrunches, making him more mouse-like, if it was even possible, before looking up at Chenle under his too-long bangs. “It’s been ten years.”

Chenle blinks. “Ten years?” He echoes. “Ten years since what?”

Jisung’s shoulders rise, like his hackles are raised. For someone so tall, Jisung can make himself look so small. “Ten years since… you know. My—My parents…”

Everything clicks then. _Ten years_. Chenle feels like shit for not picking up on it sooner. Jisung’s always a lot more contemplative at this time of year, but he’d forgotten over the stress of their first official set of midterms. “Sungie…”

“It’s like, fine,” Jisung says, quickly, before frowning and adding, “Well, not _fine_, but like. I mean. It’s not that bad. It could be worse. I have my dads, and Dejun, so like. I think considering how bad the stories are about orphans I did okay.”

“Jaehyun and Sicheng aren’t like the Dursleys or anything,” Chenle says. He wants to point out that Jisung is allowed to be sad, that it’s a sad day, and while he’s incredibly lucky to have them in his life, ideally Jaehyun would’ve never needed to step in.

“No,” Jisung agrees. “Dads have been great.” A small smile tugs at the corners of Jisung’s lips, and it’s good. Good to see. “Best adoptive dads you can ask for.”

“My parents would disagree,” Chenle quips, mindlessly.

“Whatever, I’m still right.”

Chenle considers arguing, but Jisung still looks down, so he holds his tongue.

“But when this time of year comes around…” Jisung sighs, shaking his head. “My life probably would’ve been really different if we weren’t in that car accident, you know. Everything would’ve been different.”

The pair of them are uncharacteristically quiet. It’s their best friend telepathy that allows Chenle to hear everything Jisung wants to say. He’s right, of course. For starters, Jisung’s parents had been two academics or something—he doesn’t know how they would’ve been friends with _Jaehyun_ unless they met in some sort of competition setting—and that might’ve changed the way Jisung saw school. He’d be less skittish, because there would’ve been no accident. Less shy, less withdrawn. Maybe he wouldn’t have needed dancing to pull him out of his shell. Maybe he would’ve been more confident.

Jaehyun wouldn’t have been his dad. Jaehyun might not have ever met Sicheng and Dejun. They would’ve never been married, a family. And Jisung may have never gone to their school, and Chenle would’ve never met him. Not that it seemed like this _what-if_ Park Jisung needed him, anyway.

Did Jisung’s parents _really_ have to die to make Jisung _Jisung?_ Even if they hadn’t, would Park Jisung be the person Chenle knew and (begrudgingly) loved? Would Chenle and Jisung of another dimension where Jisung _wasn’t_ an orphan still be best friends?

“You’d still be a dork,” Chenle says, if only to convince himself. He’s unsettled. “A dork who overthinks too much. You can’t change the past, Sungie.”

“I know,” Jisung says. “I don’t—I don’t think I’d want to. Not because I don’t miss my parents or anything!” He quickly adds, cheeks flushing and eyes bright, “But I just. Things happen for a reason, I guess. It just sucks, sometimes.”

Jisung looks back down at his hands and starts fidgeting again. Chenle continues to sit, trying to process.

Chenle’s adopted. So are his brothers. There are different circumstances—Pops and Baba had adopted Renjun and Yangyang from an orphanage when they were still small, but Chenle’s bio mom had passed him off to his parents from the moment he’d entered into the world screaming.

Once he’d overheard his brothers talking. They weren’t prone to deep, philosophical conversations, but there they were, at 2 in the morning, talking about the what-ifs. What if Baba and Phaw had actually decided on one of them, rather than feeling compelled to take them both home? What if they hadn’t filled in that extra application because they were paranoid? What if their bio parents had never left them in that orphanage? What if, what if, _what if_?

Chenle doesn’t think like that. His birth mother sends him cards at every birthday, wishing him well, and even if there’s some curiosity as to who she is outside of a greeting card, he has no what-ifs to ponder. He’s always been his fathers’ son.

His mind drifts, wondering what it would be like, to one day wake up and for his Baba and Phaw to be missing. To be _gone_. They weren’t as present as some of the other parents Chenle knows, busy flying planes and designing clothes worthy of _Vogue_, but for as much he and his brothers could fend for themselves, what would they do without them?

The thought is so horrible that when Chenle’s arms come around Jisung and pull his best friend close, he’s not sure who’s meant to be doing the comforting.

* * *

The next time Chenle sees Jisung, he still looks a bit. Melancholy. (It’s one of his pop’s favourite words.)

But there’s a spark in his eyes, and he rambles about some dumb universe theory, which leads Chenle to shove him and tell him he’s got _the wrong Qian brother, dummy, go to talk to Renjun! _So the knot eases a little bit. He stops thinking about the what-ifs, this hypothetical Jisung so unlike Jisung it’s laughable.

When they finish school, Jisung plays with the straps of his backpack as he waits to walk home with Chenle. The minute Chenle reaches him, he pats his shoulder and begins walking down to the path to Jisung’s house when Jisung tugs on his arm and pulls him the other way.

“Have you forgotten where your house is?” Chenle asks.

Jisung shakes his head. “We’re going somewhere else today.”

They end up at a bus stop and Chenle has to use his bus ticket, grumbling quietly at the unexpected trip. He watches Jisung as soon as they find the last spare seat in the back, his best friend tapping beats onto his thighs, biting his lip as he stares out the window. For the entirety of the trip, Chenle wants to know where they’re going, but there’s this feeling he gets, telling him to wait. He puts one of his hands over Jisung’s, squeezes, and then minds his own business.

Jisung scrambles for the stop button all of a sudden, but this part of town isn’t particularly familiar to Chenle, who, despite Jisung’s insistent hand on his wrist, follows behind his best friend. It takes him a few moments to notice the open area they’re walking towards—and _oh_. Oh shit.

Chenle stares at the cemetery sign longer than he should, pausing for a moment as he takes it in. When Jisung realises he’s not walking behind him, he turns around and stops too.

“Sorry,” Jisung says, “I promise I’m not gonna kill you, or anything. Do you—Are you okay with me bringing you here?”

“I don’t mind,” Chenle feels a little choked up. “Just wondering why.”

Jisung shrugs. “Just wanted you to meet my parents.”

They walk into the cemetery in silence. Jisung’s obviously been here enough to navigate it well, walking first to the flower booth by the entrance and picking a small bouquet, and then quickly moves on, striding confidently past different areas of the memorial park.

They get lost, of course, because this is still Jisung, even if it’s an unexpected side to him that he hasn’t seen before. Chenle holds the bouquet while Jisung gets his bearings. They wander for a little while, taking in all the plaques on the ground and the walls around the area, all reminders of people that were gone, long gone now, according to the information available to them. But when Jisung stops, completely falls still, Chenle knows he’s found it. Found them.

“Hi,” Jisung says timidly to the ground, to the plaque that bears the names of his parents and a date that’s a few days long of a decade. Chenle can’t help but stare at their dates of birth. Jisung’s parents had been so _young_. Chenle has always got it in his head that only older people die; seeing this makes him aware that it could be anyone.

It could’ve even been Jisung.

Chenle squeezes Jisung’s wrist.

“Uh.” Jisung looks between Chenle, and down at his parent’s plaque. Then he says, “Mom, Dad, this is Chenle. He’s my best friend. Chenle, this is—well, this is where my mom and dad are now.”

“Hi,” Chenle says, unsure. There haven’t been many close deaths in his own family, so he’s never had to do this before. Not so informally like this. “It’s, uh. Nice to meet you?”

Jisung snorts. “Don’t be super weird.”

“You were just as weird, shut up!”

Jisung rolls his eyes, and then he relaxes, taking out some wet wipes out of nowhere and cleaning up the plaques real quick. Then he puts the bouquet down, and stands back up. “I know I’ve talked about Chenle before,” he says to his parents, wrinkling his face at the dirty wet wipe and dusting off his hands. “I bet you’re surprised that we’re still friends, huh? If you’ve been watching over me you probably know how annoying he is.”

Chenle huffs. “I didn’t agree to be brought here for you to slander me in front of your parents, Jisung. Show your best friend some respect.”

“Anyways, the reason why I brought him here—_you_ here,” Jisung adds, looking over at Chenle, “Mom and Dad, is because yesterday I was thinking about how different I would’ve been if were both still here. And I wish you both _were_ still here, but a lot of things would’ve changed. And I know like. Some people talk about fate or whatever, but I guess I like the idea that we just bump into the people we really need. And since Dads are always talking about how you’re watching over me…”

Jisung slings an uncharacteristic arm around Chenle’s shoulders. “What I’m saying is, I guess, thank you for letting me bump into Chenle. He’s annoying and he’s loud, but he really is my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do without this shithead.”

Any sort of love and overwhelming emotion he feels for his best friend dies the _minute_ Chenle hears the word shithead. “Choke, Park Jisung,” he says, which might not be the best thing to say in front of parents he’s never met before, but he’s said it around Jaehyun and Sicheng plenty of times, and they trusted them (or at least Jaehyun) to look after Jisung, so! Whatever. He shoves Jisung for good measure, too, before he looks back down at the plaque.

“Thank you,” he says, unsure of what else there is to say. He’s sorry that they died, and he’s sorry that they weren’t around to see Jisung be Jisung, but he knows that they’re proud of him. But if Jisung’s right, and his parents have been watching over him, and they knew Chenle would take care of him… “He’s an annoying dependent baby, but he’s _my_ annoying dependent baby.”

_“Hey!”_

* * *

Jisung takes Chenle straight home, the afternoon’s activities too much for them to even consider just chilling out afterwards. Chenle makes sure to bundle Jisung up into a tight hug before he leaves.

He trudges straight up into his room and gets ready to take a shower, the feeling of ghosts still lingering on his skin, and when he’s done he’s surprised to see his parents both downstairs, Pops’ legs in Baba’s lap as he sketches.

“Oh! You’re home early, Lele,” Pops says, looking up from his iPad with wide eyes.

And then Chenle is all but throwing himself into their laps—their collective lap, from the way they’re sitting, managing to hold himself back from wailing like a little baby.

“Baba, Phaw,” he says, into _someone’s_ shoulder, and although Pops squawked in alarm for his tablet when Chenle had made the jump, he feels their arms tighten around him, one reaching up to pat his hair.

“What’s wrong, Lele?” Baba asks, concerned.

“I just.” Chenle’s throat is sore. “I just really love you guys. And Junnie and Yangs. But you, especially. Right now.”

“We love you too, baby,” his pops says, kissing him at the temple, the way he always does now. “Are you sure you’re alright? Did something happen?”

“I met Jisung’s parents today,” Chenle admits after a little while. “He took me to the cemetery. It’s been ten years since they died, you know? And Jisung was thinking too much, and he brought me there. And so then _I _caught the Jisung Disease and thought too much, and…” He doesn’t know what he’d do without his parents. He doesn’t know if he could do what Jisung did, even with cool new dads and everything. He hugs his parents even tighter.

“It’s okay to be overwhelmed,” Baba says, cradling his head like he’s still a baby, but it feels comforting rather than condescending. “It’s a lot. I’m proud of you for going.”

Chenle snorts. “Like Jisung gave me a choice, that dummy.”

Someone rubs his back. “Either way,” his pops says, “We love you so much. And we’re always going to be there for you. Even if we’re here or not.”

It’s still a scary thought, the fact that his parents might leave him one day. But he thinks to Jisung talking to his parents about how his dads say they’re watching over him, how they made sure he bumped into the right people. People like Chenle.

He thinks that _his_ parents would probably throw him headfirst into a nice wardrobe and all the people he’d ever need, and realises his pops is right.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! comments and kudos are super appreciated!
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/eggboyksoo)   
[cc](http://curiouscat.me/eggboyksoo)


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